Your good friend just broke up with a long-term partner, and within a week or two, your friend is dating someone who is clearly all wrong for them. It’s one of the most common after effects of the end of relationships - it is called rebound dating.
The thought of rebound relationships is so embedded into the way we think about dating that it just seems natural to look for someone new after a breakup. There’s something to be said for getting back in the saddle. Choosing a partner when your judgment is fogged up, as a rule, does more harm than good. If you want to get over your ex, there are better ways to do it.
Band-Aid relationships
More often than not, we just miss the companionship and look for someone to fill the gap and distract us from the fact that our heart’s just been broken. But a broken heart may not in the best condition to engage in romance. In fact, jumping right in another relationship is probably not a good thing. In many cases, it may be better to find a social time-filler that doesn’t entail romance.
Maintain your standards
The best thing you can do to avoid getting involved with someone who’s all wrong for you is stick to your standards. In fact, go ahead and raise them a little just to add a safeguard. If the person you’re thinking about dating is less kind, less bright , less anything that you’d normally want - stay away.
Beware
When we look for someone to rebound with, we usually need someone fast. We don’t have time to “waste” looking for someone we really click with, so we tend to latch on to someone we already know and have at least some rapport with. It might be a co-worker, or your neighborhood bartender. If you find yourself falling for someone you’ve never been the least bit attracted to before, stop and think about what’s really going on here.
Take time for yourself
Instead of filling your time with go-nowhere dates, get out and make some new friends - that’s friends - not lovers. There’s a difference. Try to get caught up in something you’ve always wanted to do but never had time for. Whatever you do, don’t sit around longing for your ex or drowning your sorrow in booze.
Take it Easy.
Even if your not weeping into your pillow every night, the end of a relationship will naturally make you feel like crap. It may be best not to start any key projects for a few weeks. Instead, treat yourself and do something you enjoy like skiing or bowling.
Of course, not every rebound relationship ends up a failure. If you’re lucky, you’ll have a fun fling. Remember, if you do decide to pursue a rebound relationship, make sure you’ve taken a little off by yourself and you’re not reducing your standards. Do not date the first creep who comes along. If you follow the above advice you can avoid rebound dates gone wrong.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Save Your Marriage?
Today divorce is all too common. It is easy to recognize why so many married couples start to ask, “Is there hope to save a marriage once it goes down hill?”
The good news is that there are realistic reasons to believe that you can bring your marriage back from the brink of breaking up. Not only that, but you can use the chance to build an even closer relationship than you had before. So the answer to the question, “Is there hope to save a marriage?” The answer: “Yes!” Another common question, “Should we break up?” Not if you don’t want to!
Do you believe in second chances?
In the late 1980’s, the National Survey of Families and Households in the US tracked 645 spouses who rated their marriages as “unhappy.” The survey found that those who agreed to put off divorce and give the marriage a second chance rated their marriage as “happy” five years later. It could be just a matter of investing time and energy into making your marriage work.
With any luck this will give the other spouse time to have second thoughts about breaking up. The idea is that if you change your approach to your spouse, they’ll naturally change their behavior, too. This usually leads to an improvement in the relationship.
Does advice really help?
Sometimes it is best to get the advice of experts. Normally, we rely only on ourselves; the trouble with relying on your own judgment alone is that you’re too close to the problem. During the initial break up, usually we are very emotional – even the most level headed person can become hysterical. That’s why it is better to have the intervention of a knowledgeable and neutral third party.
The first thought that comes to mind is a marriage counselor. However, more often than not, you can’t afford one or your partner refuses to go. Nonetheless, there are other sources of advice available. There are a plethora of the marriage self-help e-books and online courses available. The question, “How do I distinguish the good save my marriage e-books from the junk?” There is not an easy answer. More than likely you will have to spend tons of money on tons of books before you finally locate the one that lives up to the hype. I will attempt to answer that important question in the near future.
But for now, let us look at the most pressing question, “Is there hope to save a marriage?” I say start with working on improving yourself. Next, try to get your spouse to agree to work out your problems. If you do this together, you stand a better chance of avoiding divorce. Even if you’re the only one who wants to stay together, though, you can still turn things around just by changing your own behavior. Your spouse may come to appreciate you again. This can be a start to stopping your break up, and saving your marriage.
The good news is that there are realistic reasons to believe that you can bring your marriage back from the brink of breaking up. Not only that, but you can use the chance to build an even closer relationship than you had before. So the answer to the question, “Is there hope to save a marriage?” The answer: “Yes!” Another common question, “Should we break up?” Not if you don’t want to!
Do you believe in second chances?
In the late 1980’s, the National Survey of Families and Households in the US tracked 645 spouses who rated their marriages as “unhappy.” The survey found that those who agreed to put off divorce and give the marriage a second chance rated their marriage as “happy” five years later. It could be just a matter of investing time and energy into making your marriage work.
With any luck this will give the other spouse time to have second thoughts about breaking up. The idea is that if you change your approach to your spouse, they’ll naturally change their behavior, too. This usually leads to an improvement in the relationship.
Does advice really help?
Sometimes it is best to get the advice of experts. Normally, we rely only on ourselves; the trouble with relying on your own judgment alone is that you’re too close to the problem. During the initial break up, usually we are very emotional – even the most level headed person can become hysterical. That’s why it is better to have the intervention of a knowledgeable and neutral third party.
The first thought that comes to mind is a marriage counselor. However, more often than not, you can’t afford one or your partner refuses to go. Nonetheless, there are other sources of advice available. There are a plethora of the marriage self-help e-books and online courses available. The question, “How do I distinguish the good save my marriage e-books from the junk?” There is not an easy answer. More than likely you will have to spend tons of money on tons of books before you finally locate the one that lives up to the hype. I will attempt to answer that important question in the near future.
But for now, let us look at the most pressing question, “Is there hope to save a marriage?” I say start with working on improving yourself. Next, try to get your spouse to agree to work out your problems. If you do this together, you stand a better chance of avoiding divorce. Even if you’re the only one who wants to stay together, though, you can still turn things around just by changing your own behavior. Your spouse may come to appreciate you again. This can be a start to stopping your break up, and saving your marriage.
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